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Dick Solomon is the High commander and Head of the mission. Although his earthly body is the oldest, and the "father figure", he is actually the youngest, and not like a father figure at all. His job is a Physics professor at Pentleton University, where he met his girlfriend, Mary Albright for whom he has "undying love.

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What makes an exceptionally good dick? To find out, I asked 20 women to share their preferences for the perfect penis. Some foreskin appears a bit saggy and sad. Girth is more important than length — about the thickness of a deodorant can.

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Think chillies, or bottles and be prepared to never be able to drink a beer in the same way ever again. Right guys, this is the one you need to be a little concerned about. This is caused by a buildup of plaque inside the shaft which then causes it to stiffen and bend.

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A lot of readers ask us the same question: " is my penis normal? It's a worrying topic for a lot of men who want to make sure their package packs a punch. Unsurprisingly, what men really want to know is if their penis is big enough to please a woman.

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The past two years have been dizzying and highly unpleasant, like a Gravitron at the Ku Klux Klan's semi-annual block party. This is largely because our president, a hunk of boiled hot dog, seems to operate completely at random, without any sort of overarching logic or memory of what he's just done. But what if there was something, some sort of keystone idea or principle, that explained the last two years of domestic politics? That big why that is revealed like 12 minutes before the movie ends that could explain the tweets, the bluster, the almost-war, the sudden rage?


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