The flu, a stomach bug, the ick, whatever you want to call it. I had it. Putrescence was coming out of both ends every time I stood up.
Children are not trees: they cry, they laugh, they move, they need attention and sometimes they stink. They have the right to do all these things. It happened to everyone to be in a place and be close to children who make noise.
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There's a lot to worry about when you're getting ready for parenthood. Will the baby be healthy? How will you adjust to being a mom?
The following was syndicated by Medium for The Fatherly Foruma community of parents and influencers with insights about work, family, and life. There are all sorts of parents in the world. The Aloof Parent.
It's the best of times; it's the worst of times, ergo: Kids are awesome; kids are dicks. Just like adults! A kid will hand you half of their brownie to share like some angelic little benevolent sugar fairy, and then snatch it right back from you and lick it.
Luckily I say these things in my head or very, very quietly under my breath! Being a mom is no joke and being a full time mom to two little kids is trying. Should I not be allowed to have children around me?
I've got an insane possy We ain't clowns, though I ain't a juggalo But I always fucking juggle hoes And maybe it's in my Nature, but I've never wanna date her But she's like a shot Of vodka, cause I always Got a chase her What's the fuckin problem with a one night stand? I'm never gonna settle down, You need to understand And let me keep It simple, I'm officially stable And I won't miss you Here's a tissue I've got issue Believe me And I always see my Mommy in every Woman I meet But hate my fuckin mother, Mother fucker it's weak So please believe me I'm a needy Insecure fuckin freak And it ain't easy or as Dreamy as you Thought it would be Took her out to dinner Went and tried to kiss her Opened up my eyes The fuckin bitch was cheking twitter. I've lost my fucking mind It happend all the time Cause I can't stand myself I'm an asshole, baby Oh!
What the world needs is a page, three-pound humor anthology. No doubt your baby can be churlish, irritable, inconsolable, whiny, and manically happy, sometimes even in the span of an hour. Is it possible that your bouncing bundle of joy is actually an asshole?